What to do if your mother-in-law teaches you how to live?

There is nothing surprising in the fact that your mother-in-law teaches you how to live. This is an age-old topic. An ideal relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is rare. But you have the power to make them a little more comfortable for both yourself and her.

Be objective

Any person does not like receiving unsolicited advice. Especially if the intrusive adviser is the mother-in-law. But in fairness, try to think about it - what if there is a rational grain in her words. Is your home really clean and comfortable? The borscht is delicious, are the children obedient? Don't be afraid to admit, first of all, to yourself if something is wrong. It might make sense to improve your skills.

Try to understand

What motivates your mother-in-law, who strives to get into your family with your husband? “Bad character, excessive love for my son,” most daughters-in-law will answer. And they will be wrong. In 90 cases out of 100, conservative upbringing and the foundations of your own family force you to dictate your own rules. Previously, large families with mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers lived under one roof. Only the oldest and most experienced members of the family had the right to vote, and the rest were obeyed.

It can't be changed

No matter how much one would like to believe otherwise, but, alas, people do not change. Therefore, it is better not to harbor false hopes that this woman will suddenly stop interfering in your life. Yes, such mothers-in-law exist. But they are initially different. As they say, relatives and “in-laws” are not chosen. You will have to somehow put up with it and learn to find a common language.

But you don’t need to break yourself either

Reconciling with your mother-in-law does not mean following her lead. You should not unquestioningly carry out her instructions, requests, or, even worse, live by her rules. If she lectures you again, try the following techniques:

• Nod your head and agree: “You’re right,” “how come I didn’t realize it myself,” “I’ll have to think about it.” At the same time, act as you think is right. If your mother-in-law reminds you that what they did was not according to her, refer to the girl’s memory.
• Be inattentive and distracted. Keep asking again. Pretend you don't understand what they want from you. Sooner or later a person will get tired of repeating the same thing, and he will leave you behind.
• Take the situation to the point of absurdity. Constantly ask your mother-in-law for advice. “How much salt do you add to the soup? Do you think blue socks or red socks would suit your son better? I’m choosing tea here, which one is healthier, with bergamot or jasmine?” Feel free to call her for every little thing, early in the morning, during the day, in the evening. It is advisable to start doing this after the next conflict and complaints that you are not listening to her. Continue the promotion for a week. Don't accept refusals or excuses. Ask for advice. A week later, the mother-in-law will beg to leave her alone. And next time he will think 100 times before advising anything.

Constructive dialogue

Adults are distinguished by the ability to discuss conflicts and negotiate. If you don’t like your mother-in-law’s teachings, you need to look for a compromise.

Choose a convenient moment and start a conversation:

1. Ask her what her ideal daughter-in-law is.
2. What complaints does she have against you specifically?
3. Explain that you also have your own ideas about the ideal mother-in-law.
4. Tell us what you would like your “second mother” to be like.
5. Try to find ways to communicate without conflict.

5 tips to make your life easier

The mother-in-law is not an evil woman at all, not a witch. Her main goal is not to drive you out of the world, but to make life as comfortable as possible for your son. It's important to understand this. After all, this is where the desire to teach the daughter-in-law about life comes from. The following tips will help you cope with the obsessive attention of your husband's mother:

1. Get support. Ask your husband to praise you. The words “how lucky I am to have her, mom” can work a miracle. Over time, she will be convinced that she can trust you with her child. No matter how funny it may sound, your husband will always be a child for her.
2. Praise your husband in front of her. The best compliment for a mother is about her child. It is important for her to understand that you love and appreciate him as much as she does.
3. The farther, the dearer. Keep your mother-in-law at a distance. Break up with her if you haven't already. Reduce her visits to a minimum. Rarely visit her. Come up with plausible excuses.
4. Keep your mother-in-law in an information vacuum. The less she knows about your family structure, the calmer it will be for both her and you. Ask your husband not to talk about your problems. Don't raise a child in front of her. Then she will have fewer reasons to find fault.
5. Be above scandals and squabbles. Avoid quarrels. Snarky answers will only worsen the conflict. Say that you do not intend to listen to insults and move out of sight, abruptly ending the conversation.

Give your mother-in-law a puppy, a tablet, or a pool membership. Find a way to make the most of her free time.

If all else fails

It happens that the mother-in-law’s behavior goes beyond all unimaginable limits.If no peaceful means help, she behaves inappropriately, the only correct solution is to distance herself. Stop all contact with her. Don't visit her. Don't invite me to visit. Observe only the limits of politeness: “Hello. Goodbye". When trying to teach you about life, cut off the conversation: “I don’t have time.” If your mother-in-law or husband starts asking you what is the reason for the alienation, answer that you are ready to communicate. But all participants in communication should feel comfortable. And then - see the section “Constructive dialogue”.

Be prepared that your behavior may be met with hostility. Don't prove anything. Fewer meetings and conversations with the “mother-in-law” - and less worries.

Finally, we note: if your mother-in-law gives you good advice, you need to overcome yourself and admit that she is right. Try not to take them as a personal insult. It is likely that they want good for you, not evil. Treat this woman like a second mother. Look at her teachings from a different angle. And remember that a bad peace is better than a good war. Isn't a big friendly family happiness?